Look into the inky blackness of my soul, and kiss me.

Back in the day, the Double Mint gum people made all sorts of spurious claims about the healthful benefits of chewing gum- Supposed to be good for your teeth and your breath, etc.

Most of the adults I have known who chewed gum, were trying to quit cigarettes. I attributed their malaise and general bad attitudes to nicotine withdrawal.

Little did I know the gum was stealing their souls, leaving only a hollow-eyed wreck behind. Take this gum-zombie, add a covid face mask- It’s the stuff of nightmares.

I read recently that checkstand items, such as chewing gum, were suffering declining sales- people in line are too busy monkeying with their cell phones. If I owned a grocery, I would set up a gum vending machine and make all those crazy floor arrows point at it.