OH. Those Christmas cards.

Author

NeverJetHot

Created

September 22, 2023September 22, 2023

Updated

September 22, 2023September 22, 2023

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Less 1 min

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Categories: Back in My Day, Ephemera

When I was a kid, I sold Christmas cards door to door, from a sample catalog. They were beautiful cards, with all manner of sparkly crap and embossed gold or silver bits. Today, The cards that Walmart sells just don’t cut it. So we ordered the fanciest ones we could find, and we ordered them early. I like to beat Aunt Jean to the punch if I can.

Mailman sorting letters and daydreaming about his postal pension. — “Just 22 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days… Then I can collect that sweet, sweet pension…”

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■ 7/4 Teresa says some dude blew his thumb off, but I don't know where. That dude will never hitchhike again!
■ A "Life hacks" email I get says to relieve headaches, eat a teaspoon of mustard! Can you imagine? Maybe Grey Poupon will do something for constipation? ("poupon")
■ I cleared the bathroom sink drain with Liquid Plumber. It was very effective, but now the bathroom smells like a poorly run municipal swimming pool.
■ HOW DO DOGS TELL TIME- Our dog has a huge appetite, the vet advised us to give him a mid-day treat of frozen vegetables, which we do at 2:30- Now the dog pokes me with his nose PRECISELY at 2:30 every day. It makes me wonder what other things he can perceive that I cannot.?
■ Sept. 11 2023 ANACORTES WA • Anonymous party called stating that an elderly female neighbor was beating several carbon monoxide detectors with a hammer. Officers located smoke detectors in the garage smashed next to a frying pan with bacon in it. The homeowner stated she was cooking bacon and all the alarms started going off. (Don't they have reset buttons?)
■ More warped prose in this old Stephen King book; "Opal! Diamond! Sapphire! Jade! I smell Gary's Lemonade!" I wonder what his parent-teacher conferences were like?
■ I WAS on YT and ran across an outfit called "TypingDNA" - Serious big brother stuff here! Here is what it does. "By continuously authenticating your workers’ identities by the way they type on their devices, ActiveLock mitigates threats that arise with remote work such as fraud, device sharing, and unattended devices — giving you peace of mind that only trusted users are accessing your company’s computers."
GEEZE LOUISE I am SO GLAD that I am retired, discarded from the rat race back when rats stood a chance of winning.
■ I have half a mind to make some Jello, but put grapes, carrot peels, and other kitchen castoffs in it. Like they do at the juvenile detention facility.

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