Santa is in a minefield

I never know what to get my wife for Christmas. They are pushing those fancy Pelotin exercise bikes on TV as a gift, with some inane zoomer taking 38 selfies before she even gets on the thing. I’m like, Really, I’m to get her an exercise machine for Christmas? I think not. No vacuum cleaners or kitchen utensils either. We haven’t been married 36 years for me to get el kabonged with a new skillet.

A sweater might go over well, perhaps a yellow one- if she is as high as the lady in this ad, there will be Cheetos dust.